September is National Suicide Prevention Month. When the topic of suicide is discussed it can bring a conversation, or even a room, to a standstill. Quiet can fill the air as people reflect on their past experiences with suicide, whether those are personal struggles, or thinking about the family and close friends we have lost to suicide. What is seen as a taboo topic, with negative stigma engrained in it, can lead to major discomfort if we are ill-prepared to discuss it. This should not be the case.
In 2022 there were nearly 50,000 suicides in the United States, coming out to a death every 11 minutes. Our youth are at increased risk of suicide with it being the second leading cause of death in ages 10-14. As uncomfortable as it might be, think about that for a second with me. The second most dangerous thing to American youth, right now, is them taking their own lives. This should not be the case.
When someone dies by suicide it leaves a hole that cannot be filled. There is a family that has lost a mother, a son, a father, or a daughter. There are significant others that never get to hold their loved one again. Best friends are left behind. Schools and classrooms which will never be the same again. A suicide causes a ripple effect through a community that shows they care, as they wouldn’t hurt the way they do if they didn’t. It’s just no one was prepared to be the support for an individual in crisis. This should not be the case.
The best thing you can do for someone struggling with suicidal thoughts and ideation is to be present. Even if you aren’t prepared, don’t turn them away. If someone struggling with suicide comes to you in a moment of dire support, it’s because they trust you. They won’t expect you to fix their problems, but they know you are the person they need to stop those problems from getting worse. If someone comes to you with suicidal thoughts, be there for them.
Language is powerful. A simple term phrased in a negative light can build an insurmountable wall for a person dealing with these complicated emotions. Listed here are examples of the impact of language. Instead of saying committing or committed suicide use died by suicide. The term “commit” implies suicide is a sin or crime which reinforces the negative stigma around suicide, while using “died by” strips away the shame and blame. Avoid using successful or unsuccessful suicide as it frames a very tragic outcome as an achievement or something positive. Finally, use person first language. Lead with an individuals name like “Blank is thinking of suicide”. We do this because we don’t want to define someone by their experience. The person in crisis and those around them needs to know they are more than just their suicidal thoughts.
Suicide is a complex combination of factors. It is never just the recent break-up, the failed test, the argument that may have gone a little too far, or being laid off from work. If you think of suicide as a bucket overflowing, all of these things combine to fill the bucket, but you never know what the final drop is. As someone’s bucket fills with these unwanted moments, it’s important to watch for warning signs.
Some warning signs include:
- Talking about or making plans for suicide
- Expressing hopelessness for the future
- Overwhelming emotional pain or distress
- Withdrawal from social settings and connections
- Anger or hostility that seems out of character
- Reckless Behavior
- Talk of being a burden to others
- Talk of feeling trapped in unbearable pain
- Increased use of substances
- Extreme mood swings
If you are concerned about someone, it’s okay to check in with them. It is okay to assume you’re the only one who will reach out. In private, ask them directly about suicide, in a calm tone, without judgment. Be understanding, listen to their story, and let them know their life matters to you.
If they say they do consider suicide, the most important thing to them and yourself should be time. Suicidal thoughts do not mean they have to become suicidal actions. Moments of crisis can pass, this means it is critical to create a barrier of time between an individual in crisis and lethal means. Putting a gun or drugs in a locked away place, like a shed behind the house, and then putting the key to the shed in the glove box of their car. Another option is getting a gun lock and putting the key multiple steps away. Steps like these genuinely add minutes to a life that could have ended. These few minutes allow for time for help to arrive, or for the moment of crisis to pass entirely.
If you are with an individual who is having suicidal thoughts, and you are feeling ill-equipped to support them, you can call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988. You will be connected with a trained professional who can support the individual in crisis, and they can talk to you about how to support them in that moment.
Once a moment of crisis has passed, it’s important to still be available to serve as a support. This can take shape as many things, like coming over when they are feeling alone, helping them with chores and tasks that have been putting undue strain on their life, or assisting them in the search for mental health services and support groups. Any amount of effort in assisting them in bettering their life will not be lost on them, and may just be the thing that keeps them from taking their own life.
Suicide is an ever-real problem in the United States and across the world. The good news? It is 100% preventable; However, at the end of the day, it is a person’s choice to take their life, and as unfortunate as it is, that is their choice. That doesn’t mean you as family, friend, or coworker can’t be there for them by being present, knowing the proper language to use, being on the look for warning signs, checking in on those you are worried about, putting time and distance between an individual in crisis and lethal means, calling 988 to assist in next steps, and finally assisting the individual in making sure those next steps are taken.
If you are involved with someone struggling with suicide, and they do take their life, we encourage you to help and care for yourself. A loss like this can be unfathomable and it may be difficult to recognize, but you are now a suicide loss survivor. It is important for you to take the correct steps to make sure these emotions are processed healthily. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention offers support groups for suicide loss survivors to discuss these emotions with those who understand the struggles you may be experiencing. Detroit non-profit Six Feet Over offers a program titled Lemon Aid that provides emotional support, resource support, and financial support for suicide loss survivors who are struggling after the fallout of a loss like this. Lastly, we encourage you to connect with a mental health professional so that you can get the support and aid you require.
We here at RMC hope you never have to depend on what we have listed in this article, but recognize that we are a long way from that being a reality. We thank you for caring about those you love and taking the time to prepare so that when suicide is brought up it can be handled with the proper love, support, and care required.
Written by Ryan Keller MSW Intern
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